I sat this evening and nursed my baby boy until he fell sleep. His warmth made me drowsy. My heart swelled as I took in his amazing little body and all of it's chubbiness. Love and contentment brought me to daydreaming. My mind moved to images I have never seen. I imagined another young woman, not much older than me, holding her chubby baby boy. Her dark locks falling into her eyes as she held him and enjoyed his warmth. I imagine her tired, maybe overwhelmed at all that life held. Her baby was a comfort to her. She'd been so lonely growing up; an only child with many allergies that kept her inside. This little boy would be her last born but brought her family to have eight children, what a wonderful blessing.
This woman that I imagined is my grandmother. A hard working woman who was full of love and kindness. She passed away just over four years ago. Not long before she left this earth I had my first baby boy. He was chubby and full of sunshine. She LOVED to hold him. She would tell me that he reminded her of her own little boy, her baby. He too was chubby, a handful to hold. Her eyes would sparkle as she would remember a day long ago when she held her own son. I am grateful to have had this experience with my grandmother, and that she was able to pass a portion of her love to not only my first boy but my four daughters that preceded him. I know she would have enjoyed my second son and this new little boy that I snuggled with tonight, a baby that bears her husband's name.
...My heart aches as I remember her. I miss her terribly as does the rest of my family. It also aches because I know that right now, at this very moment, her chubby baby boy is breathing his last breaths. Surrounded by his wife, father, surviving siblings and his young adult children he lays waiting for her to come and take him home. You see he loved his mother with great intensity, and as I expressed she loved him the same. It would not surprise me if she was the one selected to come and greet him. My prayers are with him and his family. I hope that they have a glimmer of a hope that they will be with him again someday, because I KNOW it is true. Jesus died on the cross for us and suffered for our sins that we might live agian. He guides us and directs us and makes it possible for us to be reunited with our families after this time on earth. Our families are crucial for our mortal existence. They love us and support us, they offer shoulders to cry on and help us to grow!
So tonight I ache for my family and the time I will miss them here on earth. But I look with joy toward the day when we will be reunited again in the eternities.
